Don’t just change your life – change your experience

When most people are unhappy with something in their lives, the question they ask is typically some variation of, “How can I change my life?” (Or more accurately, “How can I change things out there so I’ll be happier?”)

On the surface that seems like a reasonable question. And to a degree, it is. But taken on its own, it’s also a limiting one – not least because what’s happening out there has a pesky habit of not cooperating with what we want.

Even if you do manage to get everything arranged perfectly, chances are it won’t stay that way. Change is an inevitable part of life. By depending on the world around you to meet your specifications – and stay that way – in order to be happy, you’re housing that happiness in a precarious house of cards.

There’s got to be a better way, right?

There is! An infinitely more powerful question than “How can I change my life” is, “How can I change my experience of life?”

What we can change in the world around us is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to making positive change in how we feel about our lives. The rest of that iceberg happens internally.

Three factors

Changing things out there is part of changing your experience, of course. When circumstances change, your experience of those circumstances will change along with it. So I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t try changing things in your external world for the better.

 It’s just that it’s not the whole picture.

For a fuller picture, consider these three primary factors that shape how you experience life:

• The stories you tell
• What you focus your attention and awareness on
• Your inner state (a combination of emotional state, mental state, physical state, and energy state)

Those three factors have an enormous ability to change the quality of the life you experience – even if nothing externally changes.

Let’s take a deeper look at those.

Story

This is based on the idea that there is no static “out there” out there. There’s nothing you and I are inherently going to experience identically.

Our experiences depend largely on the stories we tell, how we interpret things, what we make things mean. Need proof? Look no farther than two people with dramatically different political opinions. They’re both looking at the same world – it’s just the story they’re telling about it that is different.

The stories you tell create the lens through which you see the world. That in turn dictates what you see and ultimately, what you experience. When you change your story, you change your experience. [Read Change your story to change your experience]

Focus

The next thing that shapes our experience is focus. More specifically, where we direct our attention and awareness.

What we pay attention to dictates to a large degree what is taking up real estate in our awareness. If we’re not paying attention to it, from an awareness perspective, it’s as though it doesn’t exist. [Read Change your focus to change your experience]

State

The last experience influencer is your state, which is really a combination of three different states:

• Emotional
• Mental
• Physical

Those states are often interrelated, and things that affect one of them often affect the rest as well.

If you have ever felt a bit zombified from lack of sleep and things that would ordinarily roll off your back feel irritating or even intolerable, you know the power of your state to influence your experience.  [Read Change your state to change your experience]

Try this: Everything I have been talking about here can be captured by remembering these three simple questions:

• What story am I telling?
• What picture is my focus painting?
• What is my state?

Each of those questions is a portal to an opportunity to proactively shape and shift your experience.

If the story you’re telling is having a negative effect on you, what could a more helpful story be? If the picture your focus is painting is negative and limiting, where could you direct your focus that would help you see more of what’s uplifting and expansive? If your state is dragging you down, what could you do to change it?