Change your story to change your experience

“We see the world, not as it is, but as we are – or, as we are conditioned to see it.”

– Stephen Covey

It might sound strange, but the world you experience isn’t the world as it actually is. It’s simply the world as you perceive it. And that perception is shaped by your stories.

We humans are story-telling critters. It’s how we make sense of the world. We have a story about what to expect when we go to work. We have a story about what it means when we’re stuck in traffic. We have stories about which political party is fighting the good fight, and which one is filled with ignorant baboons.

The list goes on.

We all see the world through our own unique set of lenses (which explains how two people can experience the exact same event in vastly different ways). Those lenses are created by the stories we tell.

Some of those stories have an enhancing, empowering effect on you (like, “people generally want to support me” or “I always learn from failures”). Others have a limiting, even destructive impact (like, “People are always judging me” or “I failed, and that means I suck”).

The stories we tell have a direct impact on what we experience. And, because your stories aren’t cast in stone (even if they might sometimes feel like they are), you can change them. And when you change your story, you change your experience.

Remember from the last post on changing your experience that the goal isn’t just to change what happens. It’s to change your experience of what happens. And your stories impact your experience in a very real, fundamental way.

Changing your stories

OK, how do you change a less-than-helpful story? The answer to that will change from story to story, but broadly speaking, here are some steps you can take.

1. Identify the story

Noticing and awareness is the first step. You can’t do anything about what you’re not aware of. A great place to start is to simply be aware of where you feel any constriction or friction. When you do, it’s a good bet there’s a negative story there.

2. Debunk the story

Often the stories we tell are easily debunked. A good starting point is to ask questions like, “Is that the only way to see this?” Or, “Is that always true?” This can help make the story less rigid in your mind and create a little wiggle room to explore.

3. Create space

Before going any farther, take a mental step backwards and imagine there were no story at all. What would the experience be like without the feeling created by that story? Imagine it as neutral empty space within which the events unfold.

4. Explore alternative stories

Give your mind free rein to brainstorm and explore other ways of interpreting whatever it is you’re looking at. Imagine different perspectives. Look for alternative stories to tell.

5. Change the story

This might be as simple as deciding to use a more productive interpretation of events, or it could be a longer-term effort to change a core belief.

6. Notice any resistance

Most of the time you probably won’t get a free pass to change the story. Odds are good you will encounter resistance. Explore that. What is keeping you from freely making that change?

7. Reinforce the new story

As you move forward, keep reinforcing the story. Remind yourself that you are choosing to see things in an alternative way. Keep telling the story in real-time as events unfold. Write about it. Use affirmations. Explore how you might have experienced events in the past differently through the lens of the new story.

Try this: Start getting to know the stories you tell that affect how you experience your life. What positive stories do you tell? What limiting stories do you tell? What affect do they have on you?

If you need a place to start, use these six broad categories of the kinds of stories we tell.

• Stories about ourselves
• Stories about others
• Stories about our situation
• Stories about the past
• Stories about the future
• Stories about how the world works

The goal here is not to map out every story you tell, but to start to recognize their presence as the first step towards reinforcing the ones that are helpful and story-shifting the ones that have a negative effect on you.

Story by story, you can sculpt how you experience life.